It’s true–I married Martha Stewart

I’m so glad I married the male Martha Stewart. The other night we were decorating a tiny little Christmas tree. I had bought all these beautiful ornaments that looked like candy as I thought the kids would love making a candy tree. We decorated it, and it looked pretty pitiful. But then my Martha Stewart in shining armor swooped in to save the day. Armed with twinkly lights and a couple of little elves, he created an adorable masterpiece. “Do we have any fabric to put under the three as a tree skirt?” he asked me. I padded to the sunroom and returned with a torn piece of forest green felt, a look of chagrin on my face. He smiled as he folded it in just the right way to hide the tears and make it look sumptuous, placing it under the tree and putting the little elves on it. Wow. Instant transformation.
And so my pathetic tree has turned into a twinkly delight thanks to my 75 inches of decorating love.
We’re quite a team together. He’s the male Martha Stewart and I’m the female Oscar from the Odd Couple. No, I’m not that bad. But I can create quite a few disasters in my wake. I’m kind of like an absent-minded professor, except I’m not a professor, but I do have the absent-minded part down. And I’m kind of cute in a rumpled, messy-haired way. But I’ll be the first to acknowledge my absent-mindedness can be a real pain in the toukas–like the time I accidentally threw away our passports and birth certificates because they were in a wrinkled envelope. Now, that went over like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest (as my father used to say). Or the time we got up at 4am in San Francisco to rush to the Oakland airport for our Christmas flight only to get to the desk and find out our tickets were from the San Francisco airport. To Martha’s credit, he quietly raced to the terminal next door–dragging all our luggage and our kids–and spent $1,000 buying us four new tickets to New Hampshire. And then there was the time I sauntered into the Los Angeles airport for my flight to Nairobi thinking I was two hours early ( I had been killing time buying little bottles of shampoo) only to find out I was two hours late and the plane was long gone. But that was before I met Martha.
Ah the adventures…And while a lesser man might run out of patience with my cute craziness, Martha says things like, “I love your mind. You have so many creative ideas running around in there. Your imagination amazes me.” Granted this is after a couple of margaritas when everyone’s minds seems pretty brilliant, but I cherish these moments. And yes, sometimes he does get exasperated, but most of the time he just shakes his head and marches on when he not waxing poetic about my amazing mind. And I have to say, he is a wizard, turning the wacky into the wondrous, the pathetic into the pleasing, the messes into magnificence…making us, the perfect combo.