Category: Kim

The Unhealable Wound

July 30, 2023

It looked like she was some sort of goddess scattering starlight made of love-bursts right out of her body to wrap around mine. I think she would like that I am not running from my pain. but absorbing and integrating it into my soul, allowing it to change me moment-to-moment, and knowing that time and space can not separate me from her. I think she would encourage me to keep spinning my stories and assure me that they are indeed, spinning into gold. I think she would like that I have found healing in my Unhealable Wound.

Grief and the Holidays

April 9, 2023

I’ve written before how death and divorce can make holidays especially piercing, seeing everyone with their loved ones when so many of mine are now gone.

This is the first Easter in 6 years that didn’t feel like I was being stabbed with 1,000 tiny pins all day long.
I wondered why the feelings changed. Was it time? People love to say, “time heals all wounds,” but I have not found that to be true for me. In my experience, some wounds never heal.

I miss my beloveds all day every day. The pain remains, as big and all-consuming as ever, but the more it tries to pull me down, to destroy me, the more ferociously I create: writing, dancing, filming, creating…

I have learned to live with loss and grief, it is a part of who I am, and though I wish this wasn’t true, it is: grief is also an integral part of my children, and I know they feel the loss a little extra on holidays too.

How Kerouac Taught Me to Love

January 14, 2023

“The only people that interest me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!’”…

Which might explain my eclectic group of eccentric friends and why I was drawn into the theater and circus life, the type of life who attracts people who choose a life of freedom over a life of fancy cars and big houses…

Grief: 15 Ways to Process Pain and Start to Heal

December 21, 2022

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final…
Ranier Maria Rilke
This is the quote on the handmade cards I’m giving my kids for for Christmas this year. I want them to remember, as tragedy and sorrow swirls around us, to allow themselves to feel everything, even the sharp and jagged edges of pain, to allow it in, let it change you, invite the pain in to teach its lessons. It hurts to lose people we love, and what can this brutal lesson teach us? I’m still learning myself, but I have noticed a deep and abiding compassion growing in me, forged in the fire of loss and pain, that urges me to show up for others who are in pain.

Ode to Joy: The Cello

October 2, 2022

Today, without knowing why, I found myself driving to the cello store, then hiking around my backyard forest with it in my arms. I sat down on an ancient rock and moved the bow across the strings until it finally started to fill the air with its sumptuous sensual tones. I wanted to play it by the fire and by the waterfall. I wanted to play for my pink flowers, dripping ferns, and fairy rocks. This time the cello didn’t make me weep, it made me laugh in delight and skip back down the hill.

Ancestral Castle: The Keeper

September 5, 2022

In my family, I am the keeper of the stories, and the stories are my “keep.” In medieval castles, the “heart” of the castle, meaning the inner stronghold, fortified tower, and safest place in the castle is called the “keep.” My family stories are the heart of my family, the narrative that informs who I am, and what stories I choose to pass onto my children. When life starts to feel like being lost in a dark forest without a path, and I feel confused or scared, my family fairy tales, myths, and legends are the golden threads that weave through the trees, like dancing fireflies, lighting my path, guiding me to the deepest, richest, most magical experiences for my soul.

Isle of Skye, Scotland: Land of Windswept Fairy Tales; Home to Warrior Queens; and Healer of Broken Hearts

August 14, 2022

If there exists a land of windswept fairy tales, Skye is it. It feels like you are on the edge of the world. Fog curls around the mountains like gray cotton candy arms wrapping the hills in a hug, pink wildflowers dangle like bells, old stone bridges arch over rushing rivers, the kinds of stone bridges where ancient legends are made, legends of fairies and magical creatures who dance on the bridges at night, bridges from this world to the other world, the magic world.