Unleash the Kraken!

I love that phrase!!

I’ve been saying it for years, like when I let my hooligan dogs out of their crates, or when the kids were little and they’d come leaping down the stairs in their feet pajamas, their hair sticking out and covered in the glitter they’d been throwing in the air pretending it was raining.

When Henry was little, he was fascinated by the Kraken, and he would ask me over and over again to tell him stories about ancient sailors returning from journeys with chilling stories of enormous waving tentacles.

Krakens are mythical, magical, and terrifying in their massive power. In dream symbology and Jungian analysis, bodies of water represent emotion, so how cool is it to think of a creature of such strength and power rising out of a deep dark cold sea of emotion?

In my deepest soul, I know this dark cold ocean very well. Losing my father, my husband, my best friend in the past two years has been staggering—“There are moments when you’re in so deep, it feels easier to just swim down…” (It’s Quiet Uptown, Hamilton)

I know the feeling of drowning in a sea of loss. So it makes sense that my heart would cry out when I came across “Awakening”, a fascinator/hat of a big silver Kraken waving its silver tentacles over a silver ship. Over-the-top creative and wild, designed by Bink from Pearls and Swine in London, I bought the fascinator and had it shipped to me. Pink is a cheeky milliner—look at her website so see an artist in fabulous full bloom. So, Something about the hat spoke to me. And anyone who knows me knows I love wearing unique and wild things on my head.

But in order to wear an enormous Kraken on my head, I really wanted to think about what it meant. I like meaningful pieces, allegories, metaphors, things that represent where I’m at in my life. So I thought, when something or someone is crushed and destroyed, what replaces it or her?

The Kraken lives deep in the sea. In dream symbology, water is emotion, and how perfect is that? My power is awakened and rises from deepest darkest emotions—loss, betrayal, pain.

There was the obvious allusion–my ex is the Kraken, waving his tentacles around, crushing our family, but I am trying to keep the ship steady and steering it far from his destructive nature. Or maybe life is the Kraken, trying to destroying us, but still we rise, and even more than rise, we awaken. I know for me, I was one person two years ago. That person is gone, and I am now a new person, a single mother, trying to dodge, and help the kids dodge, the waving tentacles of life.

But then I thought of something even better. What if I am the Kraken? What if I am power awakening? I LOVE THIS THE BEST!

With all the trauma and loss of the past two years, I’ve had to dig deep, very deep. To survive, I’ve had to awaken my core courage and strength, and my power to persevere and stay stable while still allowing for deep grief. But I don’t like to think of myself as destructive, but what if that means being destructive to negativity? What if I am rising from the darkness, waving my own powerful tentacles around crushing darkness, negativity, and threats to me and my children?

What if I’ve unleashed a power I’ve never known to protect my kids, and to protect myself and the kids together, and to hold our circle of three sacred and impenetrable. Joseph Campbell says that to make something divine, draw a line around it, a boundary, and call it sacred. And only those who respect the sacredness of our family are allowed to cross it. Joseph Campbell also says, “Find a place (inside) where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain… It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.”

I’ve been in the abyss, my friends. My world was taken apart and crushed, and now reassembled with me as a single mom. Life isn’t just happening–I am creating it, calling on my inner strength, burning the pain out with joy. My choices, my actions, will make this into something better, more filled with light, and beauty and treasures, because I’ve been in the darkness, seen it, touched it, and fought through it with all the power and majesty of a Kraken, and here I am.

For years, part of my joy has been supporting art in a place that values my creativity–that place is Peabody Essex Museum in Salem. I work on their gala every year. PEM is a stunning world class museum, that began with the East India Marine Hall in the 1700’s, when Salem was a bustling prosperous port and ship captains would bring treasures from faraway lands, things people had never seen before, like Maori canoe paddles and penguins. Their Maritime Arts exhibits are fantastic and world-renowned, and I’m not just saying that because the Curator is a friend.

So now you know another reason I was drawn to the Kraken hat–for the gala where creative wear is celebrated.

When the Kraken fascinator arrived, it was quite a bit bigger than I thought, and heavy. I felt like I was wearing a cello on my head. I frantically emailed Bink saying it would never stay on. She calmly sent me a tutorial on making the hat stay on–turned out it was a well-kept secret called bobby pins lol. I always feel like bobby pins are so little they will never work, but they always do. And I’m surprised every time!

I considered not wearing the hat at all. I have become a bit of a hermit, wanting only to stay home and write. I had to really think about whether I even wanted to wear the hat–maybe I’d rather go incognito this year and not draw attention to myself.

But the purpose of the hat was this particular gala, and the point of the gala is to honor artists and celebrate art, so I talked to myself—”Have courage Lady Scrumptious!” I said. I like to call myself Lady Scrumptious in self-talks. “Just wear it for cocktail hour and then take it off. Maybe no one will notice you and you can disappear into the background, a silent vision of a Kraken that may or may not have even been there. When you take it off, make it a centerpiece for a table. I even put it on my shoulder and thought maybe I’d call it my pet, like Maleficent and her raven or a pirate and his parrot. Or maybe I could turn it into a purse?

But no, I went for it.

I couldn’t fit the hat on my head inside my car–this is when I need a vintage convertible or horse and carriage.

I ended up laying it in the back seat till I arrived, then sticking it on my head in the reflection of my car window in the parking garage, stabbing in bobby pins to secure it and hoping it would look okay. Between my velvet platforms and massive fascinator, I was nearly too tall to walk in the garage and only barely skimmed underneath the concrete roof beams.

And let’s just say, I was definitely NOT incognito. The hat caused quite a stir, starting with elderly ladies walking in the garage who asked to take their photo with me, then children who stopped in their tracks with the mouths open, then… well… everyone. With every smile my direction, my spirit lifted, and I ended up wearing it until the end of the night, when I ran barefoot out to my car at midnight because my feet finally said no more!

Who knew wearing a Kraken fascinator would have so many layers of thinking? I didn’t, but here we are. I have to say that making the decision to wear the Kraken Fascinator ended up fulfilling my soul mission—bringing light and delight to the world. People smiled and cheered when they saw me, a response I wish I always provoked. And I ended up having a magical night. Try it my Divas–put something on that makes your heart cry out in joy or recognition. Wear it with some Divorce Diva Swagger! Send me photos–I hope I see lot’s of pictures of women wearing Krakens, or Phoenixes, or Peacocks on their heads… or any symbol of awakening your power! Dive Deep Divorce Divas! Allow yourself to stumble and find your treasures!! I’m cheering for you!