I just finished reading Sue Monk Kidd’s new novel, The Book of Longings, and there were so many parts that struck me and inspired me. Her writing is beautiful and vivid, I want to swim in it. The way she writes enters my dreams and I carry her book with me to read in every spare moment. It’s the kind of book you want to slow down because you don’t really want it to end.
Also, because the book is centered around a woman named Ana, who ends up falling in love with and marrying Jesus, (yes that Jesus). It’s an audacious premise, and I do love a writer who jumps right into the fire. The way Sue Monk Kidd portrays the story we’ve heard a million times, from the point of view of Ana, makes it even more heartfelt, and certain parts made me weep.
I know in The Secret Life of Bees, Sue Monk Kidd wrote, “She liked to tell everybody that women made the best beekeepers, ‘cause they have a special ability built into them to love creatures that sting. It comes from years of loving children and husbands.”
I LOVE that she writes about the women that surrounded Jesus when he was on the cross, because really, where were the men? Where were the apostles?
I grew up Mormon, and when I heard the Bible stories— I always thought, where are the women? I know they were there, why are they cut out? Why do we only hear the stories of the men? Why are they invisible?
The Book of Longings makes them visible, and I love this. But the part of the book that I took into my heart was the writings about the Incantation Bowl.
In the beginning of the story, Ana’s aunt gives her an Incantation Bowl made of limestone, and tells her that the women scholars in Egypt use them to pray. She says that you draw an image of yourself in the center of the bowl, and then write in a spiral your most secret longing from your deepest heart, your “holy of holies”. She says that every day, you run your finger along the spiral of your words and say them aloud and that is your prayer.
Ana has many deep desires, and her aunt tells her to choose carefully because it will come true. She finally decides to write “Lord our God, hear my prayer, the prayer of my heart. Bless the largeness inside me, no matter how I fear it. Bless my reed pens and my inks. Bless the words I write. May they be beautiful in your sight. May they be visible to eyes not yet born. When I am dust, sing these words over my bones: she was a voice.”
When I read about the Incantation Bowl, it felt familiar, like I had learned about them before. It’s quite possible. I studied religion when I attended UCLA, and I had to observe and write my reflections on a religion outside my own. I chose to attend a Goddess Ritual, run by my friend and fellow belly dancer, Laura Kali Shakti, a High Priestess in the Dianic Tradition. I loved the experience of passing the Talking Stick, Casting a Circle, Calling up the Four Corners, and learning about the phases of the moon and how to direct energy in harmony with the cycles of the earth. I ended up gathering a close group of friends and we studied with Laura weekly for the next two years. It’s quite possible I learned about the Incantation Bowl during this time.
Incantation Bowls have been used since ancient times to protect, manifest, and make magic. Thousands of Incantation Bowls have been dug up in archaeological finds, and they are a fascinating part of ancient culture.
In any case, when I read The Book of Longings, I longed for my own Incantation Bowl. I finished the book a few days before the Super Flower Moon last week, and I decided the timing was perfect.
I’ve had a supremely difficult couple of years, losing my father to cancer, my marriage to affairs, and my best friend to suicide. My divorce finalized in February and quarantine started in March, so…at this point I need all the help I can get.
I thought about where I could find the perfect bowl during quarantine, and then I realized I already had it. Like Glynda said to Dorothy, “You had the power all along”.
Back in 1999, I went on a belly dance safari to Africa. I spent ten glorious days dancing on Mount Kilimanajaro while elephants thundered below, watching giraffes float by, looking at more stars than I could count. I kept a small journal while I was there and I wrote about how my love for Kim, my best friend, was boundless, timeless, eternal, unbreakable. Africa was magic for me. I bought a beautiful rosewood bowl somewhere along the way and I remember picking it up and inhaling the smell of the rosewood. I thought the bowl was so beautiful that I carried it around with me for twenty-one years.
My ex-husband hated it, and refused to let me use it in the house because he didn’t like the smell of the rosewood. So now he’s gone, and the kids and I have been using the bowl nightly for salads.
But now, the bowl has a new purpose, a perfect purpose, probably what it was meant for all along. After finishing the book, I padded downstairs barefoot in my long nightgown. I pull the bowl out and walked outside to lay it under the full moon.
I told the kids I’m bathing the bowl in moonlight, and my daughter said,” Oh great! Do you realize how crazy you sound? Bathing your bowl?”
(But then today, a few days later, she said, “Mom, do you know what manifesting is? I’m going to manifest my dreams.”)
So, back to the bowl. I could think of a hundred sentences for my bowl, but I couldn’t pare them down to one beautiful sentence that would encapsulate my innermost secret dreams.
But the search for the sentence was paralyzing me, so I finally took a gold paint pen and just started writing random words that came to me, my own prayer to Sophia, in a spiral. I included the names of my beloveds, and I wrote down every word I could think of that I wanted to make sure was center stage in my life, words like love, light, laughter, moonlight, magic, generosity, abundance, kindness, open heart, open arms, open mind, writing, art, creativity, and Sat Chit Ananda, which means Being, Rapture, Bliss in Sanskrit. I learned the Sat Chit Ananda words from reading Joseph Campbell, and while at Harvard, I did a ritual with my dear friend, Courtney, who wanted to make some changes in her life. Courtney was born and raised in Southern California and had never left. After the ritual, she packed up her car and moved to Alaska. She got a job at the local brewery, met her current husband, and now has two sons and is living out her dream.
So, maybe Sat Chit Ananda will work for me.
In any case, my bowl is gorgeous and I love it. The act of making it brought me such deep joy. With my love of sparkle, I did find it necessary to pour golden glitter into the bowl. I know in Japanese culture, they mend broken bowls with liquid gold, and the bowls are even more beautiful than when they weren’t broken. Maybe that will be the same for me.
I told my dear friend, Dolphina, about the Incantation Bowl, and how I felt compelled to help others make their own bowls along with a moving belly dance meditation. She loved the idea, so now she has assigned her goddess book club to read Book of Longings, and I am going to guide them in a ritual on the next full moon to dance and make their own Incantation Bowls.
I love my bowl, and even if it doesn’t bring me my wishes, the act of making it was magical on its own. And now I have a physical manifestation of my heart, and each day I trace the golden spiral of words with my finger and say them out loud.
