Malarkey! Poppycock! Balderdash! Horsefeathers!
What are these fabulous words, you ask?
Well the Oxford dictionary defines them as “nonsense,” and they were popular words in 1920’s slang, my favorite era for slang, but for me, they are light-hearted synonyms for the world of divorce, because if I don’t try to find the light-hearted humor in divorce world, my heart will end up in a Chicago Overcoat.
For those of you who have gone through a divorce, or know anyone who has gone through a divorce, you know there’s nothing light-hearted about it, and in fact, it’s quite the opposite, akin to the feeling of dropping your heart into a cauldron of fire while the shysters slither around throwing mazuma on the flames to make them burn brighter.
Of course, these words aren’t in common use today, but as someone who thinks 1920’s slang is the cats pajamas, I’d like to bring them back, as they are far more fun to say than, “I call bullshit!” which is just a little too… base and vivid as far as imagery goes.
So, Divorce World is full of so much blather and bunkum I could write an entire book about it, and as luck would have it, that’s exactly what I have done, but while we wait for Divorce Diva to launch itself into the stratosphere in the next few weeks, I thought I’d share a bit of the tomfoolery, trash and twaddle that comes with divorce.
There’s one specific phrase that keeps being said in Divorce World that needs its own special shelf in the trophy cabinet of Divorce Hooey and it is this:
“I’m a better father (or in some cases, mother) now that I’m out of the home than I was in the home.”
Or
“I couldn’t be the father I wanted to be while in the house, so I had to leave to become a better dad.”
Hmmmmm. Some people might call that an absentee father, a toxic father, a selfish narcissistic father…
It’s kind of like saying, “I lit my children’s hair on fire, but I’m a better father for it!”
Or, “I threw the hearts of my wife and children under the nearest bus on my way out the door, but I’m a better father for it, so … yeah for me!”
Right. A phrase like this calls for the old Bronx Cheer. (That means blowing a raspberry to show your disapproval, which you may feel free to do throughout this essay.)
It sounds a lot like someone trying to make themselves feel better after shattering their family.
I come from a different world, where creating a family is considered an honor so sacred we hold big rituals where we vow in front of the world and everything we hold dear to love, cherish, and protect each other for time and all eternity. It’s called a wedding. In this magical world, people honor their vows and do everything in their power to protect their family from piffle and poppycock, even if it means setting aside their own massive egos (and poppycocks!) and putting their family first.
And if you think creating a family means putting yourself first, Tell It to Sweeney.
So here I am, flung into a world of phonus balonus, raising my very own bearcat and dewdropper, and I have to say, it’s actually quite ducky, because they are the Bees Knees.
And they make life feel like the Cat’s Meow.
So even if the rest of the world just seems to be on a bender, determined to stay zozzled, I’ll be here having a riotous hootenanny with my favorite people, my family, and that makes today, in a word or two, Hotsy-Totsy.
(Please join me in using the following 1920’s slang on a regular basis. I promise they make even poppycock seem fun!)
Malarkey: Nonsense
Poppycock: Nonsense
Horsefeathers: Nonsense
Balderdash: Nonsense
Chicago Overcoat: Coffin
Shyster: Lawyer
Mazuma: Money
Cat’s Pajamas: It’s the best!
Blather: Nonsense
Bunkum: Nonsense
Tomfoolery: Nonsense
Trash: Nonsense
Twaddle: Nonsense
Hooey: Nonsense
Tell It to Sweeney: I don’t believe you
Phonus Balonus: nonsense
Bearcat: High spirited lively girl
Dewdropper: Someone who likes to sleep all day (this could define pretty much any teenager)
Ducky: great
Bees Knees: It’s the best!
Hootenanny: party
Hotsy Totsy: Perfect
Zozzled: drunk
Cat’s Meow: It’s the best!
Bronx Cheer: Blowing a raspberry to signal disapproval
