Divorce was a door I never dreamed would be put in front of me, and when it appeared out of nowhere, I was pushed through, kicking and screaming, my eyes squeezed shut, my hands over my ears. I never wanted any of this. I thought my family was a forever family. I was in it for the long haul, willing to do anything and put with anything to keep our family together.
But, life had other plans.
And guess what happened when I landed on the other side? What happened when I emerged from the toxic dumpster fire of divorce? I finally opened my eyes, lifted my head, and watched the dust devil filled with anger, lies, and betrayal disappear into the sky?
I heard birds I had never heard before start to sing the most glorious songs, flowers blooming before my eyes into brilliant colors. There were sparkling pink gowns, magic wands, glittering crowns, and magic at my fingertips.
After the divorce, my soul became a garden bursting into life.
Like sunlight glimmering through the raindrops hanging from a pine needle after the rain; like the new tender shoots of green erupting from the charred ground after a wildfire; like an island that was closed to humans for fifty years and when people returned, they found a lush and verdant place with rainbows shooting through waterfalls, cascading bright flowers flowing over the rocks, abundant wildlife, and air as sweet as a drop of honey.
My heart will never be what is was before, but that’s okay. It’s more beautiful now, full of the treasures of compassion and understanding in a way that wasn’t there before.
A few weeks ago, I gifted my children small blue bowls. They were gorgeous, with veins of shimmering gold catching the light in the Japanese tradition of Kitsungi, broken bowls mended with liquid gold. In this tradition, a broken bowl becomes more beautiful than a bowl that hasn’t been broken. I told my children, this is like us. Our hearts are broken, yes, but also more beautiful than they were before.
I didn’t like the ugly painful door called Divorce, I didn’t ask for it, I didn’t want it, but now that my life is bursting with truth, integrity, loyalty, and kindness, love, light, and laughter… I’m more happy than I ever dreamed possible.
