So grateful for the healing that comes with travel.
For the “road-tripping around France” section of our journey, I had gotten it into my head that we should stay in a castle or two, probably inspired by watching Game of Thrones and imagining myself as the Mother of Dragons–- so the third castle we stayed in was Chateau Des Bagnols, a castle that captivated me with its fairy tale photos.
I thought it was in Lyon, and imagined walking down torch lit walkways to dinner in a bustling city, but the castle was actually in a town called Bagnols which wasn’t a town– it was a castle all by itself in the middle of a picturesque countryside.
As we drove up the winding roads and the terra cotta stone fortress appeared, my daughter said, “Are we staying in Nacho Libre?” As in the Jack Black film, which was an accurate description and as the kids started quoting Nacho Libre, I pressed the button and the big iron gate swung open.
We were given a big iron skeleton key and shown to our massive room, with 20-foot tall ceilings overlooking the lush green countryside. There were velvet ropes with tassels hanging from the ceiling, and a massive yellow canopy bed that looked like a doll bed because the room was so large. The large medieval tin sat on a small stage (platform) in the bathroom. I couldn’t find the toilet until I lifted the top of what looked like a carved wooden medieval chair. The toilet hid inside.
The castle vibrated with history… heartbreak, soaring love, searing loss, battles, revenge plots, basically mirroring my own grief journey. The moat was filled with grass and flowers while sunlight reflected off the ancient stone walls so they looked like they were glowing. Sometimes I imagine I have psychic powers and I put my hand on a stone, hoping for flashes of history. It hasn’t happened yet, I just make up stories in my own mind.
The courtyard had a Michelin-starred restaurant called 1217, the year the castle was built. I had reserved us a table, but we all decided we weren’t up for a formal dinner. The kids wanted mexican food…
in the middle of France.
To be clear, we had been traveling for a while and had eaten a lot of fancy food (like the last castle we stayed in that I assumed would have pizza for the kids, but actually only had its Michelin started restaurant so with starving teens in a deserted medieval village we ordered 3 ice creams for $75- I’m still recovering.)
I got directions to a mexican restaurant in Lyon, and we set out in the car, blasting music and singing and laughing. I parked on a cobblestone street and we sat near the street as the restaurant had no front wall. It was lively and wonderful and one of our favorite meals during our travels. While we sat waiting for our food, talking to the people seated around us, the kids shushed me. “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers was playing in the restaurant, my Dad’s favorite song. We all miss him so much, we put our arms around each other and sang along with tears in our eyes. Then the kids hung spoons from their noses- a trick my Dad taught all the grandkids as he was the king of irreverence and mischief. It was my favorite kind of restaurant– the kind that encourages singing out loud and raucous conversation.
And outside the scent of night blooming jasmine filled the air, the scent of my best friend who had just passed away, as it bloomed every year on her birthday and we’d make crowns for each other out of the vines.
As we checked out, we did a little Game of Thrones photo shoot in the empty rooms we walked through. Mind you, my kids are too young to watch it, so it was just me living my Mother of Dragons fantasy because I so resonate with the character: I feel like I’ve spent a long night in a fire, burning with grief and love and heartbreak, and now as the fire simmers down, I emerge, not burnt and weak, but stronger, braver, with my arms full of fierce baby dragons.
And I march forward in my life with the certainty that I am the true queen of my own inner kingdom, my own life, and nothing can sway me from that ever. I will take the trips, sleep in castles, dream I have magical powers, stay open-minded and open-hearted…
Breaker of Chains! Mother of Dragons! Queen of Marci’s kingdom!
YES to it all!
