If someone made a list of my skills, right at the top would be the one that makes me a favorite in the aged 3-10 crowd: advanced pretending.
I can pretend my way out of almost any situation, from hard core trauma to election results to the price of hair highlights.
Are you charging me the price of a roundtrip ticket to Paris every 6 weeks to color my roots? Sure! No problem! You have to spend money to make money right? Except maybe not at the hair salon.. Or maybe yes. If my hair looks good, I feel better and therefore can make more $$. True or false? Common Sense? Advanced Calculus? My friend would accuse me of participating in “Girl Math,” as in, those price-of-a-small-country glitter cowboy boots I bought in Austin that I swear weren’t an extravagant impromptu purchase, but an investment in my future as a glitter cowgirl, should I ever decide to become one. And if I’m still wearing them at 80, they actually only cost me $5 a month, so they were actually a bargain.
The biggest problem is no matter how perfect my blonde shimmering color is for the following two weeks after a hair salon visit, it doesn’t change the fact that my overall hairstyle is “I stuck my finger in an electric socket” most days and therefore the color is lost in the frizz. So why bother getting my hair done regularly for the price of a small car–is this part of my pretending to be a Rockefeller heir? Or a necessary expense?
Some killjoys might call it denial about what is actually in my bank accounts, but then again their hair looks like their hairdresser is my cat.
For that matter, my hair also looks like it was styled by my cat. And speaking of Princess Cream Puff, she’d actually make an amazing hairdresser. Can you imagine getting shampooed by her spectacular paws?
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have paws like that, but of course I don’t put on a pair of fluffy mittens and pretend… (or do I?)
In any case, as you can see, I’d rather discuss hair color than all the other things I’m pretending aren’t happening in the world, (like the shhhhhhhh–don’t say it out loud to me—-election) because at this point, it kind of feels like the world’s on fire.
But here’s the truth outside all the noise, the only way to create the reality we want is through imagination, living our lives and making choices that create a different world.
Sounds a lot like pretending, right?
So maybe me and my preschoolers are onto something.
In any case, it turns out I’m not the only adult pretending certain things didn’t happen as evidenced in Beth Teitell’s hilarious article in the Boston Globe today where she documents my advanced pretending skills along with several others.
(I have linked the article below but since the Globe has a paywall–and some of you may not be of the Rockefeller persuasion either, I have also linked a free version through the library.)
…and if you come to my house and I answer the door wearing fluffy mittens and cat ears, I’m just chilly. I’m not pretending I have paws and swishing my hips as if I had a tail.
No, it’s just the way I walk.
https://www.bostonglobe.com/2024/11/22/nation/trump-detachment-syndrome-news-blackout-triggering
