Category: Grief Journey

Love and Loss and the Magic of Fairy Wings

And now the baby is 16, the same age as Sleeping Beauty when she pricked her finger on that spinning wheel and fell asleep. But my girl is definitely not asleep. She’s awake, probably the most awake person I know. At 16 years old, the is full of love and kindness and a devotion to truth and justice that seems unshakeable. This girl can easily defeat fire-breathing dragons. So maybe all the wishes from the women/fairies at her baby shower worked that day.

The truth of the truths, the truth of my battered grieving soul, is that love just keeps growing. I loved my father so much and then I met Kim, and my heart burst into lights and a whole new love, a love I had never seen before and it felt like my heart got bigger, and then I became a mother, and my love grew even bigger. Boundless. Timeless. Eternal. I still feel it when I look at the sunlight on the sea, when I link arms with my son, when I hear my daughter yelling, “Mom! I need an emergency hug right away!”

And, now that I know the staggering pain that comes with losing the people you love so much, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a damn thing. I wouldn’t trade one extraordinary moment.

When we made the wings all those years ago, Kim kept saying we were infusing them with our love. I think she was right. Because if there’s one real truth in this world, no matter where people go when they die, the love remains, and in the swamp of grief, I need to remember the wings.

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The Legend of the Blue Starfish

Imagine walking barefoot on a ramshackle wooden dock on a sunny day with the ocean moving beneath you. You can hear the creak of old wood with every swishing wave, the sun spreading its warmth across your skin, the soft cool spray of the sea

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How Divorce is like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

I’ve been divorced for two weeks, and the battle wounds are not healed yet, and there are many many loose ends to sort out, but the relief of having the battle over is surreal. Even more surreal is accepting my new title of divorcee… “Hello

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Dragonslayer

My favorite mythologist, Joseph Campbell, said near the end of every hero’s journey, we face a massive dragon guarding life’s greatest treasure—the truth of our soul. It’s a lesson I learn over and over, but it seems the dragon is bigger this time, with much

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Circus Dreams

I was jumping on the bed last night in a spontaneous dance party to Soulmate by Lizzo, when I missed the bed and face-planted on my hardwood floor. Henry, my 13-year-old’s face appeared above me. “Mom? Are you okay?”  “Of course! I know how to

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MOM aka Love Journey Part 1

Everyone keeps saying Happy New Year and asking me how my holidays were. I would like to say AMAZING! A BLAST! FABULOUS! But it isn’t true. For us, the 2019 holidays were back-breaking heart-breaking work. If you know me, you know how much I love

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