Category: Humor

The (Kind Of) Invisible Woman

April 27, 2022

As I sat alone at the bar at Chez Josephine, I hung my pink beach ball purse on the hook under the bar and ordered my favorite champagne. Before long, the bartender saw my purse and gasped, so I pushed it over to her. She slung it over her arm and paraded around the restaurant for people to admire her. The other women sitting at the bar began gushing about my feathered cape and entire ensemble. I was surrounded by red velvet walls, a blue tin ceiling, dripping chandeliers, and massive images of my favorite icon, Josephine Baker. Someone was singing boisterously in French, and the bar was lively with people shouting and laughing.
I sat quietly, bathed in the soft lights, and just… was.

Cat Fashion Show

February 25, 2022

If we had previously looked like Dali’s melted clocks, it now felt like we’d been dropped into one of his surreal paintings.
I watched cats dressed as Dorothy Parker and Harpo Marx, parade by me in the arms of their owners, with people jostling to get photos of them. Try to picture how thrilled the cats were to be dressed up and paraded around.

Travelers: Packing Tips for Hats

December 21, 2021

Packing tip: if you are traveling with large hats, don’t pack them, wear them.
Wouldn’t it be dreamy if people started wearing large hats while traveling? Out with sweatpants and messy buns… in with large hats and beautiful travel attire!
Whenever I enter a hat shop while traveling, my fantasy world kicks into overdrive, and with each one I try on, I become different characters dropped into fantastic worlds.
I inevitably fall in love with the biggest, most ornate ones, and I’m overcome with that feeling of “My life will not be complete without you, oh darling hat!”

The Butcher and the Butterfly

December 18, 2021

My bus arrived, and I loaded my bags and sat down. When I looked back out my window, the butcher was standing outside, looking at me, his moustache curled up as he pointed his finger. I looked where he was pointing, and saw the butterfly fluttering right by my window, the sun shining through its wings like they were delicate stained glass windows in an ancient cathedral, and I had to glance down to make sure I was actually on a bus and not a magic tapestry.

A Whole Lotta Shaking Going On… in Samba

November 29, 2021

Humor me if you will, and picture this: 1) a chicken trying to fly; 2) a dog doing a full body shake after a bath; 3) and an oompa loompa doing jumping jacks. Now, meld those three images together. Got it? If so, you have a pretty good idea of what I looked like at a samba class the other night.

Who Needs Tiffany’s? I do!

November 3, 2021

Who needs Tiffany’s when we’ve got sunlight sparkling on the sea? I do! I love Tiffany’s! The first monologue I ever performed in high school drama class was Holly Golightly getting ready to go see Sally Tomato in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I studied the scene

My Burlesque Days

October 3, 2021

My Burlesque Days

Am I Clairvoyant?

October 1, 2021

Am I developing clairvoyant powers? Or was it just coincidence?

Here’s what happened: Yesterday I went out to my back deck in the forest, surrounded by waterfalls and flowers, and laid out my yoga mat. I lit candles and …

Lift a Glass to My Ol’ Hip

September 24, 2021

So tonight, I lift a glass to my ol’ hip… (or if not a glass, a Tramadol). It’s been a good hip, grown two amazing souls, been the source of endless dancing pleasure and supported me now for half a century. It’s time for my to go to hip heaven… Hip Hip Hooray! (Just kidding- surgery sucks, but I’m told the pain-free existence afterwards is well worth it. I’ll let you know.)

Attending My First Wedding as a Divorcee Was Not What I Expected

July 28, 2021

Last week I attended my first wedding as a divorcee, and I wasn’t expecting the cascading waves of mixed emotions. I was happy for my niece of course, and I do adore romance and beauty, but there were moments at the wedding that were zings of pain, like little divorce bees were flying around, stinging me here and there…